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Thousands.   That’s how many memories Carrie left behind when she left this world.  Everywhere I look in our home, she is there.  Literally, there is not one inch of space that her life did not touch.  So, in those early days after she passed, every day brought multiple reminders of who I had lost.  You might expect memories to flow through things such as a well-worn Bible, favorite pieces of jewelry, or pictures on the wall – and they certainly do.  But it’s also in clothing

Some say it’s a step in the grief process, others say it’s just a nagging feeling, but whatever it is, regret certainly sets up camp, for a while, in the life of someone who is grieving.  It manifests itself in the well-worn, yet unanswerable, questions which begin with phrases like, “If I had only…” or “What if we would have…”.  The truth is, when you are grieving a life-shattering loss you cannot help but waste time contemplating these unanswerable questions.  It is as if

Losing a spouse is like losing a limb.  The wound is severe, but it  will   heal; however, your life is forever changed, and you are forced to learn how to do things differently.  Consider something as small as your pinky finger – you don’t realize how important it is until you break it and it becomes immobilized for a few weeks.  Now magnify that by a thousand and consider losing your right arm – especially for those of us who are right-handed.  First, you will go through an

One of the biggest challenges you face when you lose someone you love is navigating all the  “firsts”  without them – birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Christmas…all the important days that used to bring so much joy. I had the fortune/misfortune of facing my very first  “first”  just 6 days after Carrie passed – our 25 th  wedding anniversary.  It was beautiful outside and I had already planned to visit several special places, like the church where we got married.  It w

Two people can have similar experiences in life and come out of it with 2 different conclusions.  What’s the difference?   Perspective .  How we see and understand what’s happening to us in relation to the world around us.   In some of the darkest days of my grief, which are thankfully behind me, the Lord reminded me of some simple verses of encouragement,  “Rejoice always.  Pray without ceasing.  In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

This is probably the main question, which I heard through the grapevine, that prompted me to begin this blog.   “Is he grieving right?”   At first, I didn’t know what to make of the question.  What is the “right” way to grieve anyway?  What does that look like?  And how do I know if I’m doing it wrong? Over the months I’ve read numerous books and devotionals on grief, and, with slight variations, they say pretty much the same thing.  Of course, they all include some version o

This may be the hardest and most personal post I have done to date.  It is taken from my journal entry on November 12, 2025, just 2 months after losing Carrie. Saying  “goodbye”  is not forgetting, nor is it a resolve to wipe out any semblance of the former life.  But saying “ goodbye”  is closure.  It’s acknowledging that the past is past and the Lord does not want me to live there anymore.  It’s the same for all of us.  In Scripture, time and again, we are called to live in

A song that has become a popular staple in worship services, including ours, is  Firm Foundation .  The opening verse of the song says,  “Christ is my firm foundation, the Rock on which I stand, when everything around me is shaken, I’ve never been more glad that I put my faith in Jesus cause He’s never let me down.  He’s faithful through generations, so why would He fail now?  He won’t.  He won’t.”   This was one of Carrie’s favorite songs and we sang it often. Also, in a ser

In the days following Carrie’s passing, I remember experiencing the flood of emotions that you would expect from such a monumental loss.  Disbelief, confusion, anger, numbness (which is actually a temporary blessing that allowed me to process), intense heartache, gratitude (for many wonderful family and friends), and happiness for Carrie (I’m supposed to say that because I’m a Pastor, right?)  Yes, I am happy for her that her pain is gone, and she is enjoying the presence of

In 1991, the day after I graduated high school, I started working as a surgical transporter at North Hills Hospital in North Richland Hills.  The job was just what is sounds like – I was to transport patients to and from the surgical unit – with the added joy of cleaning the operating rooms inbetween “cases”.  Standard procedure to prepare for surgery was for patients to remove all clothing besides the gown and to remove all jewelry. I still remember one older gentleman I tra

The moment Carrie entered the presence of the Lord; I felt a sense of overwhelming loss.  She was my best friend, ministry partner, confidant, lover, travel companion, mother to our kids, and so much more.  So many things were running through my mind on what I would miss now that she was gone.  Yet, even in those dark hours, the Lord mercifully granted an abundance of peace. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that I had a fresh revelation of things I lost when I lost Car

Terminal disease can be a long, painstaking process.  On the one hand, you’re thankful for any time you get with your loved one before they slip into eternity.  On the other hand, having a front row seat to their daily decline takes a hefty toll on the emotional state of the spouse, turned caregiver. This was a very unexpected chapter for both of us in dealing with Carrie’s disease.  She really did good for the first 1 ½ years after her diagnosis.  Even when she felt bad, she

Exodus 20:1-3 NKJV  And God spoke all these words, saying:  2  “I  am  the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.   3  “You shall have no other gods before Me. An idol is simply an object of worship.  And to worship something or someone, other than God, means to give them the best of our time, attention, energy or even money. Carrie spent the week after her cancer diagnosis in the hospital so tests could be done, scans could be r

I never understood anxiety…until I did.  Back when I was in seminary, I took many Biblical Counseling classes, most of which dealt with issues relating to marriage, parenting, or finances.  But I do remember instances where we would talk about issues such as anxiety or depression where the usual diagnosis was labeled as a “ spiritual problem ”.  Translation – the only way to overcome these issues is through more prayer and Bible reading.  And so, for many years, I never under

“We don’t have the time.”   “We don’t have the money.”   “Work is just too busy.” These are some of the reasons (excuses) I’ve heard for families not taking annual vacations.  Hey, I get it.  I spent a decade in corporate America with a demanding job, a young family, and a strong desire to succeed. Thankfully, one day my Nanny shared with Carrie some wisdom about vacations.  I’m even more thankful that we heeded her wisdom.  My Nanny and Papa had been married for 30 years whe

Matthew 5:4  Blessed  are  those who mourn, For they shall be comforted. Until I started my own journey through it, I always assumed that grief began the day a loved one died.  After all, even for those of us who believe in the resurrection and reunion with Christ, there is something that seems so final about the day your loved one takes their last breath. I’ve learned a lot over the past few years – life lessons that I hope are bringing glory to the Lord.  One important less