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On April 4, 2000, I was at my parents' house waiting for Carrie to pick me up because we had a pre-marital counseling session. A few minutes before she was supposed to have arrived the phone rang and her number was on caller ID. I answered, “Running late, huh?” The voice said, “There’s been an accident and I was told to call this number.” That was a call that can stop your heart! Carrie was driving on the service road of I-35 just a couple of miles from me. A white van i

It is a quiet morning as I sit in my usual spot and write this post. The morning sun is shining through the window, a couple of birds are chirping just outside, and a wind chime delicately plays a tune in the distance. It is in this quiet and serene moment that I pause to imagine Heaven. What sights, sounds, smells, touches, and feelings must continually captivate the senses of those who are there! More specifically this morning, I think, “I wonder what Carrie is doing righ

John: To say that my sister and I were blessed to be raised by Philip and Carrie Hickman would be a massive understatement. Our parents taught us how to love Jesus with our whole hearts, to serve Him with joy, and to trust Him when life got difficult. Our childhood is full of memories of family vacations, camping trips, movie nights, and just random “laughing for no reason” moments around the dinner table. Looking back on it as an adult, I am amazed and grateful every day tha

Everywhere I turn in my house I see pictures of Carrie and our family. She wanted a Disney room in our home, and one wall is full of pictures from our Disney trips to Florida, California, and Hawaii. The hallways, the side of the refrigerator, and the top of the dresser – everywhere I look, there we are as a family. Several months back I caught myself walking past one of those pictures and simply saying to myself, “That was the life”. Another day and another picture and I

My Nanny was barely 49 years old when she became a widow and we just celebrated her 96th birthday two months ago. She never remarried and, to my knowledge, never went on a single date. I’m sure there were men who were interested and I know she had friends trying to set her up, but in all those years, she never went – not once. So, many years ago I finally asked her “Why?” “Did you ever think about remarriage? Why not at least go on a date and see if something was there?”

About 6 weeks after the funeral the kids came over one night and we spent a few hours talking through emotions and reflecting on great memories with their mom. We realized this was the first time since before the funeral that it was just the three of us together. As a grieving husband and dad, this time with them was so comforting to me, and I’m sure it was for them as well. Towards the end of the evening, Abby disappeared for a moment then came back with some papers. She

It happens to all of us. We’re curious about something in a friend’s life and want to ask them about it, but we don’t know how or when to ask. Maybe we throw out some feeler questions to see if we can get them to bring it up. And, if they take the bait, then we follow up with, “Well, I was curious but hated to ask”. I’ve had this experience with people in my own life. A big question on their minds and not sure when, or even if, to bring it up. The big question?? Do

In my college days it seemed like me and my buddies never had girlfriends at the same time. Or, more specifically what comes to mind are the times when I did not have a girlfriend. On more than one occasion, there was me, a buddy, and his girlfriend hanging out. I was the third wheel. I wanted to go away; they wanted me to go away. 😊 Truth is, they were gracious and we had a good time. But being a third wheel is weird. It’s great if you’re a tricycle, not so great if

It’s been 8 months since Carrie has been with the Lord and I find myself at times still thinking, “How can this be the reality?” We were in the prime of our lives and had many things mapped out and excited about. But then, the Sovereign God rewrote our story. She is with Him and I am here. When you’ve lived one way for enough years and you have a vision of what you want the rest of the journey to look like, it takes a long period of adjustment to the “new life” the Lord i

There are hazards to every job. Some are obvious and severe such as the military, police officers, fire fighters, or all other law enforcement and first responders. Others may be less obvious, but even working a clerical job at a desk all day comes with its hazards – like a staple in the finger or carpal tunnel. My job as a Pastor has its hazards as well. Ministry is the God & people business and sadly, because many fall victim to various hazards, the average tenure of a m

How do people make it in this life when they keep people at arm’s length? Why have some bought into the lie that, “I don’t need any more friends”? Or how can somebody have thousands of online “friends” without having any real friends? Thankfully, I will never know because the Lord has flooded my family with people who care. It was evident to us well before Carrie’s diagnosis in March 2023, and it has been amplified since then up to present day. I remember within days of u

Thousands. That’s how many memories Carrie left behind when she left this world. Everywhere I look in our home, she is there. Literally, there is not one inch of space that her life did not touch. So, in those early days after she passed, every day brought multiple reminders of who I had lost. You might expect memories to flow through things such as a well-worn Bible, favorite pieces of jewelry, or pictures on the wall – and they certainly do. But it’s also in clothing

Some say it’s a step in the grief process, others say it’s just a nagging feeling, but whatever it is, regret certainly sets up camp, for a while, in the life of someone who is grieving. It manifests itself in the well-worn, yet unanswerable, questions which begin with phrases like, “If I had only…” or “What if we would have…”. The truth is, when you are grieving a life-shattering loss you cannot help but waste time contemplating these unanswerable questions. It is as if

Losing a spouse is like losing a limb. The wound is severe, but it will heal; however, your life is forever changed, and you are forced to learn how to do things differently. Consider something as small as your pinky finger – you don’t realize how important it is until you break it and it becomes immobilized for a few weeks. Now magnify that by a thousand and consider losing your right arm – especially for those of us who are right-handed. First, you will go through an

One of the biggest challenges you face when you lose someone you love is navigating all the “firsts” without them – birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, Christmas…all the important days that used to bring so much joy. I had the fortune/misfortune of facing my very first “first” just 6 days after Carrie passed – our 25 th wedding anniversary. It was beautiful outside and I had already planned to visit several special places, like the church where we got married. It w

Two people can have similar experiences in life and come out of it with 2 different conclusions. What’s the difference? Perspective . How we see and understand what’s happening to us in relation to the world around us. In some of the darkest days of my grief, which are thankfully behind me, the Lord reminded me of some simple verses of encouragement, “Rejoice always. Pray without ceasing. In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

This is probably the main question, which I heard through the grapevine, that prompted me to begin this blog. “Is he grieving right?” At first, I didn’t know what to make of the question. What is the “right” way to grieve anyway? What does that look like? And how do I know if I’m doing it wrong? Over the months I’ve read numerous books and devotionals on grief, and, with slight variations, they say pretty much the same thing. Of course, they all include some version o

This may be the hardest and most personal post I have done to date. It is taken from my journal entry on November 12, 2025, just 2 months after losing Carrie. Saying “goodbye” is not forgetting, nor is it a resolve to wipe out any semblance of the former life. But saying “ goodbye” is closure. It’s acknowledging that the past is past and the Lord does not want me to live there anymore. It’s the same for all of us. In Scripture, time and again, we are called to live in

A song that has become a popular staple in worship services, including ours, is Firm Foundation . The opening verse of the song says, “Christ is my firm foundation, the Rock on which I stand, when everything around me is shaken, I’ve never been more glad that I put my faith in Jesus cause He’s never let me down. He’s faithful through generations, so why would He fail now? He won’t. He won’t.” This was one of Carrie’s favorite songs and we sang it often. Also, in a ser

In the days following Carrie’s passing, I remember experiencing the flood of emotions that you would expect from such a monumental loss. Disbelief, confusion, anger, numbness (which is actually a temporary blessing that allowed me to process), intense heartache, gratitude (for many wonderful family and friends), and happiness for Carrie (I’m supposed to say that because I’m a Pastor, right?) Yes, I am happy for her that her pain is gone, and she is enjoying the presence of