Taking Off My Wedding Ring.

In 1991, the day after I graduated high school, I started working as a surgical transporter at North Hills Hospital in North Richland Hills.  The job was just what is sounds like – I was to transport patients to and from the surgical unit – with the added joy of cleaning the operating rooms inbetween “cases”.  Standard procedure to prepare for surgery was for patients to remove all clothing besides the gown and to remove all jewelry.

I still remember one older gentleman I transported to surgery one morning who had not removed his wedding ring.  I didn’t say anything; it wasn’t my place.  When I wheeled him into the pre-oparea, one of the nurses came over to run down the checklist.  Noticing the ring, she reminded him that he would need to remove it for the surgery.  He told her that he could not take it off.  She assured him that it would be ok and that she would personally deliver it to his wife in the waiting room.  He again said he could not remove it.  When the nurse attempted to explain once more, the man politely interrupted her and said, “Ma’am, this ring has not been off my finger in over 40 years, and it’s not coming off now.  In fact, I don’t even think it will come off.”  With that, the nurse put tape around his ring to secure it for the surgery.

The bigger impact of that day was made on me, an 18-year-old kid.  When I thought about that man’s commitment to his wife and his marriage to have never removed his ring in more that 40 years, I thought, “Someday, when I get married, that will be me.”  And it was.

I would love to say that in 25 years of marriage, there was never one day when my ring was not on my finger; but there was – one day.  From the time Carrie put a ring on my finger on 9/16/00 it was never removed – until October 2013.  We were on a cruise with the kids and had a snorkeling excursion in Belize.  Before leaving the ship, Carrie put her ring in the stateroom safe.  She asked if I wanted to do the same and I reminded her that I never take off my ring.  Fast forward to the tender ride back to the cruise ship after the excursion, and I noticed my ring was gone.  It had now become sunken treasure in the Caribbean, and I was sick to my stomach.  Thankfully, I had Carrie to remind me that her ring was safe back in the stateroom. 😊

The next day we ported in Cozumel and I went straight to a jewelry store where I bought another ring.  So that’s how I was without one for one day in 25 years.

Now the dilemma…how long after your spouse passes away do you continue to wear your wedding ring?  My first thought was our 25^th wedding anniversary, just 6 days after her passing.  I quickly decided that was way too soon.  Next, I thought perhaps my birthday – to start a new year.  Still too soon.  What about 30 days out?  Nope.  So, within the first month of her passing. I got a couple of perspectives from friends who had also lost spouses.  One told me they removed their ring at the funeral; the other was still wearing their ring several years later.  Bottom line was there is no set time or expectation – only what each individual decides for themselves.

On day 40 since she passed, I heard a sermon about 40 days being the Biblical days of completion – ex. Noah & the flood; Jesus being tempted in the wilderness.  It was a great sermon, and I decided that day to “relocate” my ring.  I moved it from my finger to the chain around my neck.  I took Carrie’s ring and placed it there as well.  This served as a memorial to her and the love we shared for the next couple of months.  

When you’ve had a ring on your finger for a quarter of a century, it can feel very strange without it, and it definitely took getting used to.  I still miss it, just as I still miss the one who gave it to me.  And though my wedding ring is no longer on my finger, her memory is always in my heart – until I see her again.

Question – Is there something special you have done with a piece of jewelry from one of your lost loved ones?  I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.

Philip Hickman has been the Lead Pastor of Legacy Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX since August 2010.  He and his wife, Carrie enjoyed a wonderful marriage before she went to be with the Lord just 6 days before their 25th anniversary.  Together, Philip and Carrie have 2 adults children also serving in ministry – a son, John and his wife, Hannah, serving at Generations Church in Keller, TX, and daughter Abby, a college student and ministry leader at Legacy.