Life As A "Ministry Amputee".

Losing a spouse is like losing a limb.  The wound is severe, but it will  heal; however, your life is forever changed, and you are forced to learn how to do things differently.  Consider something as small as your pinky finger – you don’t realize how important it is until you break it and it becomes immobilized for a few weeks.  Now magnify that by a thousand and consider losing your right arm – especially for those of us who are right-handed.  First, you will go through an intense amount of pain for a long time until the wound heals.  Second comes another long process of learning how to live a totally different way.  Thirdly, there is what amputees call “phantom pain”, residual pain that pops up unexpectedly in the area of loss.  Finally, there is the scarring – a constant reminder of what was.

As of this writing we have just concluded a big Easter weekend at Legacy Church.  Friday, Saturday, and Sunday full of services and events designed to connect with people and exalt Christ. For me and Carrie, this was always one of our most exciting times of ministry – and we loved doing it together.  And, like the one’s before it, this was another blessed Easter weekend – but this time, I was there as a “ministry amputee”.

You see, when God calls a man into ministry as He did for me 24 years ago, He also calls his wife.  Ministry is like that – it is a calling, not a career.  There’s certainly nothing wrong with a career, Carrie and I both had them.  But when we were in the corporate world, she had her job, I had mine and the one really didn’t affect the other.  Yet, because ministry is God’s business with many unforeseen challenges, He calls a couple to serve as a ministry team – and that’s what we were blessed to do for more than two decades.

Time would fail me to write all the ways in which Carrie added value to the churches we served and to the larger body of Christ.  She loved, counseled, encouraged and prayed for people.  She was passionate about discipling ladies, and she loved singing to the Lord.  She also imparted spiritual wisdom into me when I needed it.  And she would even talk me off the ledge wheneverI wanted to enter a situation with guns blazing. 😊  Most of all, we just enjoyed standing next to each other talking with and serving our dear church family.  I really miss those days.  

When you’re called as a team and half the team is gone, what do you do?  Who fulfills the part of ministry that is lacking in her absence?  My simple answer to these questions is, “Lord, You know”.  Our lives are His, the church is His, and He knows.

So, as a “ministry amputee”, the wound is great, but it is healing.  It continues to be a long process of learning how to do certain things differently.  Many times, I have thought, “I sure could use some of Carrie’s wisdom right now.”  And occasionally some phantom pain sneaks up where I’m grieved again over something I’ve lost in my ministry partner.  But the Lord knows…  So, I keep my eyes fixed on the Healer and my feet moving forward in His service knowing that someday soon, all the pain and scarring of this world will dissolve the instant we step into His presence.

Can you relate to your loss being like an amputation?  Perhaps you have another way to describe it?  How can I pray for you?