Sorting Through Memories.

Thousands.  That’s how many memories Carrie left behind when she left this world.  Everywhere I look in our home, she is there.  Literally, there is not one inch of space that her life did not touch.  So, in those early days after she passed, every day brought multiple reminders of who I had lost.  You might expect memories to flow through things such as a well-worn Bible, favorite pieces of jewelry, or pictures on the wall – and they certainly do.  But it’s also in clothing (remembering when and where she wore it), the same coffee cup she always used, a large box of cards and notes she had given me over the years, Magic bands from our family Disney trips, and even deodorant.  Yes, deodorant sparked a memory!  Because Carrie sent me to get her some and she let me know the kind I bought did not work. 😊  I smiled as I looked at the half-used deodorant (which I still have, at least for now😊).

For more than 2 months I left everything in the house “as is”.  The exception being all the medical equipment and supplies.  I wanted all of those reminders out of my sight immediately and so they were.  If I was going to begin sifting through memories, it was not going to be those memories.  Everything else stayed the same, including her side of our bathroom and closet.  I don’t think I was avoiding doing anything with all her stuff, I was just staying busy and didn’t get around to it.

I knew, however, that I wanted to avoid two extremes with which I was aware.  One guy who lives nearbyremoved everything that reminded him of his wife from his home within 48 hours of her passing.  And I’ve heard another case where a loved one’s belongings were left untouched for years…including underwear! For sure, neither of these options were good for me.

So, little by little, I started sorting through the memories.  A drawer here and a closet there.  Last November, my son John and I were on an annual camping trip.  While we were gone, my daughter Abby, my mom, and my sisters had pre-planned to clean out Carrie’s dresser and her side of the closet.  When I got home a couple of days later and walked into our closet for the first time…well, that was tough.

Since then, I have regularly purged a lot of small things…. junk, really, that we all hold on to from childhood just because.  But I have also found some priceless treasures, such as this lone picture of Carrie being baptized in the summer of 2000.  It was buried in a box in the attic that I found just a few weeks ago. What a sweet memory of the time when she gave her life to Christ – she was so excited, and she never looked back!

Years from now I know I will continue to come across items that will trigger memories.  Some will make me smile, others are sure to bring a tear.  But most of all, I will be thankful that I got to be part of a thousand beautiful memories.