Saying Goodbye.

This may be the hardest and most personal post I have done to date.  It is taken from my journal entry on November 12, 2025, just 2 months after losing Carrie.

Saying “goodbye” is not forgetting, nor is it a resolve to wipe out any semblance of the former life.  But saying “goodbye” is closure.  It’s acknowledging that the past is past and the Lord does not want me to live there anymore.  It’s the same for all of us.  In Scripture, time and again, we are called to live in the moment and seize the opportunities of today.

 “This is the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalms 118:24)

“Do not worry about tomorrow.”(Matthew 6:34)

 “Do not say, ‘Why were the former days better than these?’ For you do not inquire wisely concerning this.” (Eccl. 7:10)

So, the painful task of saying goodbye is about closing the door on the past while opening the door to today and the days ahead.  It is one of the first major steps to lasting healing.

With that, here is the complete text of my journal entry from several months ago:

“The past 3 days of quiet time has turned very emotional as I slowly read Psalm 23.  I am reminded that, because the Lord is in control, I will not lack what I need – therefore, I can live in peace.

He restores my soul.  This work is already in process as my soul has felt broken.  And I continue in the valley of the shadow of death as Carrie’s passing still looms large over my life.  Yet even here the Lord is comforting!  

The part that gets me the most is verse 6, ‘Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.’

Goodness and mercy!  Pursuing me every day of my life – and Heaven awaiting at the end!

Yesterday morning, after reading the Psalm, I pulled up this year’s family picture from Easter, and I zoomed in on Carrie.  She was wearing a green dress and she looked so beautiful.  But even then, I knew she was hurting.  Where I see the pictures where I know she was in pain, my heart hurts for her.  Most of the time she put on a brave face in spite of the pain, but I can still see it in her eyes, behind the smile.

While zoomed in on her yesterday, I talked to her for a long time.  And I cried a lot.  I told her again how much I love her.  I thanked her for the privilege of being her husband all those years.  I told her how proud I am of her and how desperately I miss her.  I thanked her for her love and dedication in our home that helped raise amazing kids.  I told her how happy I am that her pain is gone forever and how amazing it must be to be in the presence of our Lord.  I told her that, as I move on with life, I will never forget her, I will never stop loving her, and I will always be thankful for the love she gave to me and for the amazing life we had together.”

So, “Goodbye babe.  Our family is in the Lord’s care, until we all see each other again.”  

Philip Hickman has been the Lead Pastor of Legacy Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX since August 2010.  He and his wife, Carrie enjoyed a wonderful marriage before she went to be with the Lord just 6 days before their 25th anniversary.  Together, Philip and Carrie have 2 adults children also serving in ministry – a son, John and his wife, Hannah, serving at Generations Church in Keller, TX, and daughter Abby, a college student and ministry leader at Legacy.