From Spouse to Caregiver

Terminal disease can be a long, painstaking process.  On the one hand, you’re thankful for any time you get with your loved one before they slip into eternity.  On the other hand, having a front row seat to their daily decline takes a hefty toll on the emotional state of the spouse, turned caregiver.

This was a very unexpected chapter for both of us in dealing with Carrie’s disease.  She really did good for the first 1 ½ years after her diagnosis.  Even when she felt bad, she put on a brave face, pushed through, and for the most part, carried on with life as usual.  Her final year, however, was a constant rollercoaster – ups and downs, good days and bad days – which always kept me on high alert. 

Up until May 2025 my roles in Carrie’s life included: husband, protector, and provider.  That month a change began to take place as she was calling on me to help her more with daily needs.  At first, I did not mind doing these things, but I was hoping it would not become a habit because I was so desperate for us to continue making progress.  However, by the end of May, she was back in the hospital and this time things were different.  The pain would keep her in bed for days at a time.  Physical therapy was minimal.  The nurses and aides began doing everything for her.  And she got to the point where she couldn’t get out of bed without complete assistance.  I watched in sadness and disbelief as she became so physically weak so quickly.

Over the next few months, my role in her life changed from husband to caregiver.  Yes, I was still her husband, but gone were the opportunities to share life together, go out to dinner, hang around the house, enjoy time with our family, and talk about our future.  Instead, our day-to-day focus was on what she needed, and what I could do, to help her remain as comfortable as possible.  I was by her bedside almost around the clock to help however I could.  It certainly was not easy, and we both had moments of frustration.  But, looking back, I’m so thankful I could be by her side in her greatest hours of need.

This experience has given me greater compassion for others I know that have stepped into the caregiver role.  Your relationship with your loved one has changed.  Your new role of caregiver is mentally, emotionally, and even physically challenging.  But you keep going!  You continue to demonstrate the deepest level of love – which is agape.  The same sacrificial love that Christ exemplified for us when He went to the cross. 

I see you.  He sees you.  May His presence strengthen you as you honor your loved one by caring for them.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends

Philip Hickman has been the Lead Pastor of Legacy Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX since August 2010.  He and his wife, Carrie enjoyed a wonderful marriage before she went to be with the Lord just 6 days before their 25th anniversary.  Together, Philip and Carrie have 2 adults children also serving in ministry – a son, John and his wife, Hannah, serving at Generations Church in Keller, TX, and daughter Abby, a college student and ministry leader at Legacy.