Anxiety is a Real Thing.

I never understood anxiety…until I did.  Back when I was in seminary, I took many Biblical Counseling classes, most of which dealt with issues relating to marriage, parenting, or finances.  But I do remember instances where we would talk about issues such as anxiety or depression where the usual diagnosis was labeled as a “spiritual problem”.  Translation – the only way to overcome these issues is through more prayer and Bible reading.  And so, for many years, I never understood what it meant when good, Christian people told me they “struggle with anxiety”. 

When you get life-shattering news like what Carrie and I got in March 2023, your body actually goes through neurological and physiological changes.  I don’t know all the medical explanations, but I do know something within me, within us, changed immediately and drastically.  We were all of the sudden living at a very high state of stress and always anticipating the next round of bad news.  Every time a doctor would walk into the room, every time a test result came back, every time a treatment rolled around – more stress, more anxiety.

When it finally hit me that anxiety was a real thing and that it could overtake you in a moment, like a tidal wave, was in December 2024.  Carrie had a follow-up doctor’s appointment at UT Southwestern after a lengthy hospital stay.  I used to try and make small talk on our way to these appointments, but I quickly learned this was not helpful.  So, I would start off quietly and take my cues from her.  If she was talkative, we talked.  If she was quiet, we rode in silence, listening to music.  On this particular day she was talkative, so we talked about family, vacations, and Christmas coming up the following week.  The day was going well and the light conversation continued even as we were waiting in the exam room for the doctor.  I happened to check the time and noticed my heartrate was around 70 bpm.

A moment later the doctor came in and said, “Good morning.”  Within 60 seconds, my heartrate catapulted to 115 bpm and I was short of breath.  All within the time it took him to greet us and ask how she was feeling that day.  It was then that I realized my mind and body were conditioned to automatically enter “fight or flight” mode during any medical appointment.  My body was already preparing for the next round of bad news.

Other instances of anxiety overwhelming me would occur at home as we laid in bed at night.  Several times in recent months, Carrie would have some pain in the middle of the night.  A couple of times it resulted in an ER visit.  Therefore, my mind was conditioned to be on high alert at night.  It became increasingly difficult to sleep as every sound, sigh, or roll over in the bed woke me up in a panic to make sure everything was ok.  In fact, many nights in Carrie’s last few months, I would sleep on the couch.  Close enough to hear if she needed me, but far enough away so I could sleep soundly without every move waking me.

In the months since Carrie passed, many have asked if I’m sleeping ok.  My response to them may seem strange, “I’m sleeping great.”  But the truth is, I’ve been able to get back into a pattern of sound sleep without the anxiety of something bad happening during the night.

So, I have learned that anxiety is real, it can be overwhelming at times, but it can be overcome!

Philippians 4:6-7 NKJV ⁶ Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; ⁷ and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Philip Hickman has been the Lead Pastor of Legacy Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX since August 2010.  He and his wife, Carrie enjoyed a wonderful marriage before she went to be with the Lord just 6 days before their 25th anniversary.  Together, Philip and Carrie have 2 adults children also serving in ministry – a son, John and his wife, Hannah, serving at Generations Church in Keller, TX, and daughter Abby, a college student and ministry leader at Legacy.